And a Bit of Soul Searching
by gallifrey calls now
Summary: Kurt hated it, sometimes. The fact that he couldn't love whoever he wanted. But when he laid eyes on the man who had way too much hair gel on to be healthy, he couldn't bring himself to regret he was 30 and single.


And A Bit of Soul-Searching

_Warning: not read through, made from a whim, written hurriedly._

Sometimes, Kurt Hummel allowed himself to dream. He dreamed of a world where his love wasn't bound by the hard shackles of fate and destiny. A world where he could have fallen in love with anyone of his choosing (what he realizes though is that he _cannot_ in fact control those things), a world where he didn't have to wait and wait and flirt with some guys knowing that they felt nothing back, because that's how it worked.

Because he'd much rather be in that world. But no. Here, he was stuck, pining after someone who might be a black Chinese toddler on the other side of the planet who was waiting to be born. He was stuck with his heart aching after some person who would look at him, smile, and say, _'Oh, there you are.'_

But he stopped believing in fairytales long ago.

Rachel and Finn were lucky, Kurt would think bitterly whenever he saw the two of them smile and gush and be in love like they'd just met all over again. So, so lucky, that they'd found each other as early as high school. So were Brittany and Santana, though the stubborn latter would have never told Brittany had the cute blonde not confessed first.

_They were so in love it was sickening._

Quinn could share his pain, though. She had a failed relationship with Finn, in the past, and she knew it would fail sometimes because she didn't love Finn. Neither did he love her. But still, when Rachel came along, she still put up a fight.

All it took was a few words from Kurt to make the beautiful girl start crying in his arms.

"_You're not alone, love," _Kurt said soothingly, rubbing circles on Quinn's back. _"Someday, you'll find your special someone, the guy your heart's pining after. You can't fool your heart of your significant other."_

And even then, Kurt could feel like his words were utter crap, because _honestly_, romance was for Broadway and he probably would be stuck with some abusive son of a prick, but his heart would still insist the guy's soul was what Kurt needed for completion.

_Psh._

So high school ended, eventually. So did Karofsky and Azimio's bullying. Somehow, Kurt's and Quinn's friendship ended somewhere along the line after Quinn got pregnant with Puck's baby and then tried to win back Finn's heart.

Kurt tried to tell her. He really did. But Quinn was a girl on a mission, and despite how much it made her heart ache to kiss Finn, to hold Finn's hand, to know that he was comparing her to Rachel, she didn't give up.

She lost, anyway. The magic of soul-bonding was too strong for a determined teenage girl to get over. There was no way the natural love of Finn and Rachel would end, even though those two had fights more often than Kurt went shopping.

After high school, Kurt got accepted to university and he graduated with a major in fashion and a minor in music, and focused all of his energy on making it to New York.

The sense of elation he got when he managed to get hired at a magazine or another was almost enough to override the loneliness that seemed to take over his heart whenever he saw a happy, in love, soul-bonded couple walking down the street.

Almost.

Two years passed. Two turned into five, which turned into seven, which turned into a decade, and still no sign of his soul-bond.

He was nearly thirty and getting desperate. Of course, he'd had a few dates and even one goddamn one-night-stand which he was _so _not proud of, but all of them were half-hearted on both sides. The guys had all been curious how it is to _be _with someone, and all agreed there was no danger of getting attached to each other. None of the relationships lasted more than a couple weeks, mostly because the heart ached when you kissed someone other than your significant other.

And it was way too much ache for Kurt's taste.

So the years passed and passed. He'd had a brief mourning time when his old Glee teacher, Mr. Schuester passed away in a car accident, and even threw a self-pity party when Rachel and Finn got married. At their wedding, he saw Quinn holding hands with another man, smiling up at him like he was the sun itself.

_Kurt wanted that so, so badly._

The pity party was rather amusing, actually. It took place in Lima, and somehow Sue Sylvester had knocked at his door demanding for his old Cheerios uniform, because he never actually returned it.

He found it in the back of his old dresser, right next to a cassette of The Beatles' Blackbird. He teared up a bit when he saw it, remembering how he used to sing it with his mother when she was still alive.

A moment of hesitation, and he packed it up so he could take it with him back in New York.

Kurt remembered the old theatre he and Rachel had went to when they'd defeated Aural something and the Garglers or whatever. It was closed, the windows barred with old wood. Kurt forced his way in and placed his cassette player on the floor of the stage, and without a shadow of a doubt, placed the cassette in and started singing.

His eyes were closed the whole time, but at the sound of awed clapping they snapped open.

There was a man there, wearing way too much hair gel to be healthy, with triangular eyebrows that made him strangely _hot_, a pair of square glasses on his nose and a soft smile on his lips. He was dressed smart-casual, and his dark eyes held a look of complete and utter adoration.

Kurt straightened up and stare at him. He felt some strange emotion gnawing at his insides, reaching up to his heart and caressing it with love. He shivered slightly, feeling as if someone had warmed him up from head to toe, and most of all, feeling like God himself had lowered his arms to wrap him up in an embrace.

_So that was soul-bonding, after all._

The man smiled. "Oh. There you are."

Kurt had never felt happier.


End file.
